i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
