Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
