Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize