I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
