party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
