I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
