We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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