his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
