I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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