I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Still dying that you shit outside
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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