Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
