i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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