I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
