smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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