I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
