Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize