how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
