No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
