Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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