I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
