people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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