i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
