I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
