She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
