Define "chronic" masturbator.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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