sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
