he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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