I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
