So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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