I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
