Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
