I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
