Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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