it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
