you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
