just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize