how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
