My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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