and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
