I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
