Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
A+ Viking dick
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
