whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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