I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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