That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
