So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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