just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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