i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
