im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you would pick up someone in the library
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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