i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
