I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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