i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
