He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
