I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
