i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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