im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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