i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
