Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
