I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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