Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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