Pappa wants mamma naked
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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