Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
