Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
