You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
