I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
