Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
