Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
