I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
