Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize