It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
