Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
