yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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