I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
