Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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