Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
