she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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