he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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