I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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