Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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