I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
