Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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