I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize