well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
