this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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