so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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