I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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