we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to wash the frat house off of me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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