He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
two words: eviction party
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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