once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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