Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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