I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
