I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
