I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
