i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
