THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
