Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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