Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
