I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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