he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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