It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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