btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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