they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
