i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
