i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
