she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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