real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We are all done wearing pants today
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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