Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
