I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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