Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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